The trick is to actually CAUSE disruption, seek the change and jump into something you don’t know how to do. Embrace the failure, embarrassment, discomfort and awkwardness because without it how will you ever move from comfort and predictability? Leaving, starting, ending and quitting are as important to our development, happiness and fulfillment as staying and enduring the status quo .  The grace and awareness we bring to change is not only the test of our character, but a vital chance for growth.

Where to start? Listen to what you are complaining and kvetching about, commit to starting or stopping something you don’t already know how to do and go for it.  Give yourself passionately to your life and if a new plan doesn’t work out let it go and move on.  Because, as Carlos Castaneda so aptly said, “a path is only a path, and there is no affront to oneself or to others in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you . . . Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone one question . . . ‘Does this path have a heart?’ If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use.”

And one last thing, have high expectations for happiness and demand it from yourself.  Not in the future, but in the present where your life is happening right now. If your happiness is dependent on a future state you are not living now; you are waiting for something to be different. Change, interrupt or disrupt that outlook, and your future will take care of itself.

Emiliano Zapata Salazar, a leading figure in the Mexican revolution said, “It is better to die on your feet then live on your knees.” Perhaps we are not engaged in a war and battling opposing dictatorship like Zapato, but we are indeed battling opposition–fear.  Fear of failure, rejection, embarrassment, and ridicule–the list of things we fear is often long and overwhelming. But, Zapato’s quote reminds us that we can stand up to fear–at any moment we can tell someone we love them, apply for a better job, walk away from a job, or answer a calling we’ve been afraid to hear. Even though the idea of loss or rejection may be terrifying, the alternative option of being a victim to fear and living on your knees is paralyzing.

In order for life to happen so must rejection, disappointment and death. Neither the thought, or reality of any of these obstacles is pleasurable, but meeting them is unavoidable. When we attempt to elude rejection, disappointment, or even death, we ultimately face the reality that we’re living in and by fear. By changing our attitude about obstacles, we can free ourselves from them. If the cells between our hands and feet did not die off in the womb, we would be walking around with webbed extremities. Imagine how different our lives would be if the body hadn’t sacrificed those cells. The body naturally rejects what it does not need and the result is nothing short of magnificent.

Ironically, while our bodies may know when to say no to cells that do not benefit our growth, our minds cling to objects, behavior and habits that impede transition and development. All too often we get stuck in holding on to the life we don’t want because we are afraid to embrace the life that we do. Furthermore, sometimes we are taught that being agreeable is more important than getting what we need– we fear saying no. In order to make way for what we most desire, it is critical to say no to certain opportunities, people, habits and beliefs that do not support our personal evolution. Like shedding cells is critical to physical renewal, discarding certain interpretations and judgments is crucial to realizing our full potential.

When you objectively look at your own life, do you notice times when you need to say no, or maybe, yes? Do you see places where if you draw the line, make a move, leave something behind that is not working you could begin something new, but by hanging on you are frozen in place? Once you commit fully, without turning back, only then can you move forward. When you need a big change you can’t do it by being comfortable, you must take a risk–embrace your true passion for life and move with conviction. Remember that you have equal chances of success and happiness as you do failure and embarrassment once you TAKE ACTION! Follow your heart, believe in yourself and you will thrive.

Carl Jung aptly stated “living from an inspired reality you create takes work, the kind of work that requires the courage of a revolutionary, the passion of a painter and the precision of a sculpture.” Saying no to unconscious beliefs that don’t serve our purpose takes a great deal of courage.  Standing up for your desires may require saying no to people you love, as well as old habits and beliefs that once served you well. As the inspired painter working on the canvas of life, choosing the right colors is key to creating a masterpiece.

Jung also said “your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.“

We often find ourselves in situations where we are triggered by outside influences. In that moment, our view of the world and our view of ourselves are skewed by something that we perceive as a threat. In an instant, the bio-historical-linguistic system automatically makes judgments and conclusions and then reacts. Depending on the situation, we may be triggered to fight or flee. We will fight or flee from whatever threatens to challenge an opinion, point of view, or belief that we consider to be gospel. When we are triggered, we believe our point of view is ALWAYS right.

When triggered, it’s impossible to distinguish the facts from our beliefs. We become so invested in our beliefs that we don’t see them as our opinions—we see them as truths. Phrases such as “I’m not good enough” or “They don’t understand” become the filter through which we see ourselves.

Eventually these triggered responses become habits. These habits not only affect the way we experience events but they literally change our biochemistry. This point is made in the book, Retooling on the Run, by Stuart Heller and David Sheppard Surrenda.

“The power of belief shapes your actions, your experiences, and your results. Believing involves the whole body. Your beliefs are not found only in your thoughts, they are found everywhere, even in the subtle shapes of your posture and in the dynamics of your movements.”

Because triggering is a habitual response, we automatically act upon behavior patterns, thoughts, feelings, and moods. When we can distinguish a trigger simply for what it is, then we can begin to observe ourselves when it occurs. When we witness a habitual trigger, we begin to disengage from it. It then ceases to define our actions.

Download Triggers (PDF, 285kb)

Download Roundstone-Coaching (PDF, 520kb).

Download Roundstone-Moods (PDF, 180kb).

Download Roundstone-Learning (PDF, 200kb).

Download Shared Standards (PDF, 125kb)