What is Embodied Learning?

August 10, 2024

TRANSCRIPT

You talk about embodied learning. So what does that actually mean?

When we learn something, driving is probably one of the best examples that that most of us can relate to, is when the learning is no longer in your head.

You're not having to think about it. Right? When you first start learning how to drive, you sit down, you're kind of like, oh my god. You know?

What do I do next? What do I do next? You might have to ask somebody. If you've ever driven a stick shift, that's even it's even more complicated.

As you do something for a long time, it becomes what we would call unconscious competence. So it's like it's a competency that you have, and it's more than just in your head. It's now your muscle memory. It's now, we would call it, in your body.

And the way that we interact with the world in a very automatic way is through all the embodied learning that we have. So when you are learning something, you wanna do it enough times so that it becomes natural to you, and then you can your expertise really expands when you have enough enough of that in any field. There could also be embodied learning that you wanna unlearn, which can also be the explanation of why it's so hard to unlearn something that has become the way you do it, and that would include thinking. So some of the ways in which we think about things that we form our thoughts. Right? It's almost like it's a whole system. The system that we're in forms our thoughts.

And, you know, some of those thoughts that we talked about kinda earlier, we are no longer of value to us. Right. But because it's not just in our head, it's not just a logical thing, it's actually in our body, You could look at certain unconscious biases that we have. You know, that's a those are kinda in your body.

People people will tell you stories about how they grew up in the south, and they learned that racism for them was normal. Right. They didn't think of it like that. They thought of it like I had a client many, many years ago that that said, you know, at the time that he grew up in Mississippi and at that time, black people didn't drink with the same faucets as white people.

And he said he didn't think anything was about it. Yeah. So then when he goes out into the world, he's carrying that learning. That was a learned thing.

Right. So we are learning things in our lives, in our bodies that are both positive, and some of those things do not serve us, and they're embodied as well. So they're harder harder to unlearn, like smoking. Smoking is an embodied habit.

It's the body is just as addicted to the thoughts or the psych the psychology of smoking is equal to the physical addiction of it. It's hard to give that up. But, you you mean, I think it does help to understand that, that this is this is a process I have to work with my body. I have to you know, so if I'm learning something, I wanna work with my body.

I wanna do it enough times.

I want to get enough repetition so the thing I'm trying to learn becomes part of me. Yeah. But if I wanna unlearn something, I wanna also understand what I'm dealing with.

I've thought of so many examples while you're explaining this because last night, I walked down the staircase in my house, which is it curves, and it it was very dark, and I did it perfectly. But when we first moved in, I would have to go so slow because there's a few different landings, and you could really hurt your ankle in the dark. Or I'd bring a I'd bring my phone and turn the little light on so that I don't fall. And last night, I had, like, boop boop boop right down, and it's been almost two years living here. So at this point, I've done it enough that I know how the stairs feel. If you go somewhere where the stairs aren't exactly the the right height or something and then you missed your foot hits the front of it, it's like, yeah, we are so programmed. The unprogramming, I arrived at the mall with my husband, and the store that we went there to get him new jeans at was closed down.

And all of every experience I've ever had with him where something doesn't go that way just all came up like, it's gonna be a bad day. It's about to be a very bad day. And I heard I heard myself think it, and I went, or not. Maybe something else.

And maybe who I be right now is going to determine the way the rest of it goes. And so I chose to be very light, not in a manipulative way, just like I didn't get heavy with him. And then he switched right away, and he stayed light, and we had a great day even though he never found the pants that he needed. But it was okay.

But after so many repeated trips of having things go that way Right. It's it is really hard to wrench yourself out of it. Right.

Yeah. Well, it takes a lot of conscious effort to stop that automatic, right, story and mood and the whole thing that like you said, you feel it in your body, You start to feel it emotionally. It's I mean, it's gone. Right? It's off to the races, and then that's the bad the beginning of the bad day. But what's really great about what you're saying is you recognize in that instant that it's going to be a bad day lived in you, lived in some sort of a story that you just sort of popped up. Right?

Mhmm.

And when you could see that, you had that moment, that pause when you could say, question that or at least say, maybe not. Let me try something different.

When that that's consciousness. That's when, you know, we're present enough that we can interrupt.

That's a big deal that you interrupted that. Now now they would say, you gotta interrupt it six more times in a row for it to stop be you know, having so much yeah. For having because it becomes a habit. So for it to have not be a habit anymore.

This there's a part of us that is sort of on watch for that to happen. Right? It's kind of this we're waiting for that to be to happen again. That's the survival mode that's you know, I know how to survive this bad day.

I hunker down. I get real serious.

I argue or I shut down completely or whatever I do. I do that.

And you're it's like we're poised for that in the background, and that's just the story of our lives. And when you can interrupt that, that's a that's a big deal. That's the transformation of the relationship that you have with that thing. So that thing could be we could call that thing disappointment or an interruption and an expectation or something like that.

And when you shifted your relationship to that, you literally opened up a new possibility. You opened up a new future, and you say, well, that future was one day. Yeah. But that one day of shifting that future could shift all the rest of the days of the month.

You know? Yeah. Did it did it make you feel good about yourself?

Yeah. And especially because our kid was with us, and she, you know, she's at the mall, and all she knows is there's photo booth here, and there's a VR roller coaster machine, and there's all these grand there's a carousel, and I'm gonna have a great day. And so we ended up I feel like a few times, we got pulled back into the mud together, or she started to act out, and he started to take it very seriously. And that's another one where he'll take it really or I will too.

I mean, it's not like I don't do that, but I saw him get frustrated because we're in public. And I know that he had issues with his younger brother and his younger brother acting out in public, so that's all coming up for him. And I have power. I have agency.

I can just do a funny walk with her, and I know she'll snap right out of it. You know, if we make it serious and heavy, she's gonna get bops in it. So let's not do that. So I did a I was trying not to manage it, but I was also like, just be more just be more me and don't go because usually, I shut down and I I close and I let him lead with it.

And that's that's my culpability in the whole thing is I'll just turn myself off when that happens, and then I'm not even there. And he's it's just his thing running the show. It was a good one because that's He's running a lot of therapy. Yeah.

Yeah. Right? He just did. I mean, that's really cool that you have that level of awareness, which, by the way, you just you also just kind of nailed something, which is you probably had that awareness for a long time. You know, keep this what I do and this is what he does and then this is what my daughter does and this is that. And then at the end of the night when I'm debriefing the day, I know exactly what everybody did. Mhmm.

And then you probably feel bad and and frustrated and shut down and all that stuff. But this time, you just shifted something. It'd be really good to observe that.

Like, what exactly?

Wow. That was really cool. What did it I totally different. How did like, you're suddenly in a new reality, and it's it's so counter to the story that I carry around about who my husband is and how shopping trips go and all that.

So it's like and you almost feel embarrassed that you've let it go on for so long that way when it was just such a simple it seems simple, the shift.

But it even sounds like it starts with a little bit of dread. Tomorrow, we're going shopping for pants for my husband. Yes. Okay.

The bucket on the hip. Okay. It's he's gonna get worried. Something's gonna happen.

It actually started we arrived at the ball, and he was like, I thought we were going to the outlets. And I was like, oh, yeah. You did you did say outlets, but I thought this small, so we'll go here. You know?

I was like, I know it could spiral. This could spiral real quick, but it's not gonna it's not gonna and to your point about the self reflection, I've had a coach for over a decade. You know? Like, I've been doing this kind of work and looking, and it's and I and I only mention that because it's like with repetition, that gets easier.

And it's not easy at first, and it feels impossible and all of that. But the more you do it, the more you can see. And my husband also is a trained coach.

So we can both see a lot of stuff, and we talk about it. Not that you not that you have to have that in a relationship and everything. Yeah.

But it it the funniest thing about all this stuff is it under I guess what I would say is understanding it doesn't really make it change. Right?

Right. You still have to take different action.

Yeah. It's changing the actions.