How to Give and Receive Feedback in the Workplace

August 9, 2024

TRANSCRIPT

Most of the people that I've been in trainings with are scared of providing feedback up, whereas I could see someone who's in a higher level position having the question, how do I give feedback without shutting people down? So it's funny because it's like people on both sides are having that problem.

It's both sides. Right? The importance of giving and receiving feedback in terms of learning is critical.

And if we're giving feedback, how do we give feedback so people can hear us and be fair and be be caring when we do it and accurate, not water it down or sugarcoat it to the point where by the time you give it, it has zero impact and zero edge to it. Right? So that's a huge problem.

And then there is how do I receive feedback in in the most open way so that when someone gives me feedback, I can hear it, but not take it into the point where it hurts me. One of my previous colleagues said she she used to think of feedback like someone is throwing a ball at you, and you're grabbing it, and then you're looking at it, and you're kind of seeing, okay. Yeah. Alright.

And then you drop it. Rather than what which for most of us when we get feedback, especially especially critical feedback. Right? It hits us and hurts us, and we think that it's true.

So when you think something is true, then you've gotta either defend yourself because you don't understand or you feel bad. You whip yourself and you make yourself more upset. Rather than saying feedback is valuable, why feedback is valuable is because you're hearing how you're occurring to another person. That's one thing.

The other thing is against, hopefully, some kind of expectation that they have of me. So let's say you're really, really creative, which you, Michelle, are really, really creative. Right? And you do comedy and you do all this fun stuff and music and all this, and I give you feedback that says, I need you to be more serious.

Mhmm. Yeah. Right? But that's because this is not a comedy show. Right? And so I'm not trying to take away anything from your creativity.

I'm speaking from a certain context, you could say. So that can help. Right? It's sort of sort of like when my daughter was in art school and she was receiving critical feedback from professors, And she would get all, like, kinda, think I'm squashing my creativity, and I just wanna do my thing. And I said, you're in art school.

They are professors. They've been painting for three lifetimes of your of your life, and they're giving you critical feedback to help you grow.

Now how they did it, I can't say it's the best way, but, you know, never wanting to hear criticism can be a big stumbling block for people, a, to to really effectively receive feedback. So I know this is complicated way of answering this. And, also, to just sort of like, where is the person giving it to me? Where are they coming from?

So you can even ask someone, well, where are you coming from with this, Leslie? Are you telling me I should never be funny? No. Right?

I'm coming from, you know, this is this, and we have us we have standards, and we have this, whatever. And I'm just a human being giving you feedback. Right. And you could take my feedback and you could drop it.

You could say Yeah. I don't wanna do that job anymore. That's not what I mean. I'm not that's not what I wanna do.

I wanna I wanna just do comedy. I wanna just do, you know, music making, and I can't integrate it here. So in other words, you have a choice.

However, when your boss or your manager gives you feedback, they have status over you. They have a they are accountable for you in a certain way, and they have some authority over you in a certain way that it would be a good idea for you to hear their feedback.

Yeah. And the feedback, it's not true. Right. It's never true, and it's never false.

It's just this is how I see you. So the way you give feedback also is is much easier to hear of the person giving the feedback isn't saying, you are this way or you are that way. Like, I'm saying, like, I know and you don't. Right.

So to to kinda paint the picture of what the context is can be valuable. So it's kind of like, ideally, you would be able to hear any feedback anybody gave you.

Which takes practice to be able to.

Exactly.

Yeah. It takes practice. Yes. And it takes managing your own emotions and your own reactions and your own which we do get into in the in the leadership program is kind of the, you know, the centering and staying present and just being able to hear what someone is saying Mhmm.

For what they're saying.

Yeah. Not how it's making me feel.

Yeah. Taking it forward. Taking taking it and leaving it or taking it and maybe learning from it. It's a choice.